Write your own ACL rant!

Update:  Now you can plug your own nouns/verbs into this handy-dandy ACL Rant generator and make your own!

Omar Gallaga has a great "Write your own ACL review" post up over on his blog at the Statesman.  But what if your ACL experience is miserable?  There are about 75,000 reasons why that might happen.  So for those of you who hate ACL, or have an awful time, allow me to do your heavy lifting.

(Expletive) ACL!!

I was so freaking stoked to go to ACL this year because (Band name 1) is totally one of my favorite bands.  At first I didn't want to go because (name of 70's band) is completely lame but come on, (Band name 1) was also playing!  So last (week/month/year) I found a three-day pass to ACL on Craigslist for a total deal -- just (dollar amount over $100).  Unfortunately, not only was the Craigslist seller a (noun) but (she/he) also smelled like a rotting (vegetable).  On my way back from picking up the tickets, I got stuck in traffic on (any major thoroughfare in Austin) for (number over 30) minutes.  FML.  Anyway, after that unpleasantness, I really thought I could just kick back and enjoy the rest of the weekend.  Perfect weather, hot (preferred opposite sex), raging afterparties.  Zilker Park, here I come.
Since I had (number over 5) friends staying with me in my studio apartment for the weekend, we all decided to pile into the (hybrid car manufacturer) to head down to Zilker Park on (weekend) morning.  We looked for parking for (number over 60) minutes and finally gave up.  We ended up parking at (business location north of 35th Street) and walked the rest of the way.  Luckily the weather wasn't too (adjective)
When we got there, we stood in line for (number) hours, until we finally got in.  We got an awesome spot but it was right behind a (type of intoxication) dude.  So annoying. Then (girl's name) was thirsty so I went to stand in line with her for a (alcoholic beverage).  We stood in line for (number over 2) hours and spent (dollar amount over $20) for just two (alcoholic beverages).  What sucked is that I totally missed (band name 1) play while we were in line and that was the whole reason I wanted to go in the first place!  I mean, I didn't spend (dollar amount over $100) on wristbands to stand in line all day!!

Well at that point, the sky got all (color) and the wind started blowing a lot of (noun) around.  We were completely (verb).  Everyone was trying to find cover, people were passing out, some people just started to (verb) because why the heck not.  WTF, Austin?  I didn't know it could go from (temperature) to (temperature) in such a short amount of time but it did and it was (adjective).  (Girl's name) didn't really mind the weather, though, and she said that she liked the (noun) in Austin so much that she's thinking about moving here next (month)
Anyway, to summarize: I missed (band name), got covered in (noun), waited in (number over 5) lines for (number over 15) hours total and spent (dollar amount over $300) in one weekend.  Oh and my car got towed.  Ugh.  Seriously, Austin.

It goes without saying that I'm not going back to ACL for at least (number) years.  From now on, I'm going to fly to (city) every year on this weekend and try to forget this ever happened.  Well, unless (band name) plays.  Then I might consider it.  

5 Response to "Write your own ACL rant!"

  • Talmadge Says:

    HA! Yes. That's why I'm leaving for Marfa at 6 AM tomorrow.

  • AS Says:

    [Expletive] ACL. First of all, I'm a Houstonian and barely know what ACL is. All I know is that this time of year I can't find anyone to hang out with because they are flocking to Mecca. Secondly, ACL leads to massive twitter pollution. Everyone in Austin (and elsewhere) is tweeting the lyrics, hash tagging ACL, talking about what they just saw at ACL, talking about how disgusting they are after being at ACL all day. If only so much effort could be channeled into block walking or making a few phone calls, we'd have a new Governor and then we'd all have a real reason to get trashed in Austin.

  • Mean Rachel Says:

    Mecca - you hit the nail on the head with that one!

  • John in Austin Says:

    Traffic. Traffic. Traffic. Oh, and did I say traffic? That's the main reason I hate ACL. Reason Numero Dos? Throngs of pedestrians who don't care to pay attention to where they're walking. Hello, my car is bigger than all ya'll.

  • Katie Says:

    John- awesome, "my car is bigger than all y'all."

    While I have always loved ACL. I live in the middle of it so don't get in my car the entire weekend...this year C3 decided to sell an extra 10,000 tickets. At what point did an extra 10k not seem to be a big deal...way too crowded for me. I see vacation this time next year.

    Awesome rant letter!