Does this city make my butt look hot?

...Don't answer that. But, really: Austin now has a Fashion Week. Break out your rompers and gladiator sandals, ladies! Oh, wait, you wear those all day, every day, everywhere. For a city that's only used to seeing tents when they're set up for farmer's markets and music fests, not runways and sample sales, this ought to be interesting. What's next, Fleet Week?

Personally, I don't think Austin needs to adopt any more fashion trends. Those emo guys who stroll around SoCo wearing chucks and skinny jeans, whose only give is in the butthighs (yes, it's a word), just gross me out. Between the heat and their hair grease, they look like they're about to spontaneously combust. And for women - layers?

Tell me please, how can you have fashion week in a city that never has use for this season's favorite accessory, the summer scarf? I envy those East and West Coasters and their gauzy weather that makes draping another layer over themselves an actual possibility this time of year. I'm too busy making sure every article of clothing I'm wearing covers just enough to keep me from getting charged with prostitution, while still allowing a humid breeze to work its way through for an occasional thrill.

I dunno. The thought of a bunch of people melting outside the Long Center on Sunday's Austin Fashion Awards just doesn't appeal to me. It seems like way too much effort to get dressed up. Hell, it's so hot it's too much effort to even think about getting dressed up.

So, Austin fashionistas, enjoy your fashion week and your fabric fetish. When JCrew starts manufacturing the summer bra, I'll be the first in line.

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