Well guys, it's been a good run.

My mom gave me all six seasons of Sex and the City for my birthday on DVD, and I honestly don't think I'll be able to pry myself away from them. This should be a good diversion for the next nine months.

---

I got up to go to boot camp this morning, drove over to the park, and saw everyone leaving to go to the rain location (it was about to start raining). So I followed in suit but somehow got lost, even though I've been to the rain location three or four times now.

Anyway, I got so lost that I finally gave up trying to find my way out of the neighborhood I got lost in. Eventually I made it home and was so frustrated. I woke up at 5 AM and didn't even work out. Worst of both worlds, I'd say.

Then I get an email announcing that some Parks & Rec guy started yelling at the bootcampers at the rain location today.

The one time something controversial and exciting happens, and I'm driving around Sherwood Forest Rd. trying to figure out where the hell I am.

Damnit.

Alright. Back to SATC.

I've finally had enough time to recover from the events of this weekend. Sort of. At least, I can now sit up straight, since my back has decided to forgive me for sleeping on the ground.
Displace Me was definitely worth going to - although I probably wouldn't do it again. There was something disconcerting about the huge groups of people that turned out -- mostly students, college and high school kids -- and for me, it somewhat degraded the fact that we were all supposed to have been "displaced." Theoretically, I'm sure that displacement camps aren't grouped into Kappa Kappa Kappas and what not.

Blame it on my hermetic tendencies when thrust into large groups of my people my age who stand in line and discuss their double-majors, but I found the whole social aspect of the event rather campy. I mean, we were displacing ourselves, not partying, right?

If I had been able to plan the event, I would have taken a more dictatorial approach and forced people to scatter among their groups. They should have designated areas - men over here, women over here, or something like that -- so that people would have been forced to split up into new groups. That would have at least disoriented enough people to make them feel a bit more out of their element.

Perhaps it was because I went by myself, which seemed to make me in the minority. I only saw a few other people (actually, make that one person) by themselves. I suppose it gave me a different take on things -- had I gone with a huge group of friends, I'd probably be raving on about how much fun it was.

But "fun" was not the goal, at least for me. After the promise of how the event would change my life, I went into it with expectations that probably wouldn't have been met unless Bono himself had showed up on stage at the end of the night. Nevertheless, I kept my mind open to the knowledge that changing your life does not happen in 24 hours (or 18ish, as it were).

Some beneficial parts of the night were the letter writing campaign from about 9:30 PM until 10:00 PM. They had included some paper to write on (but no pens, strangely) and gave a list of senators that we could all write, as well as the name of the Ugandan president Yoweri Museveni. It was comforting to take some time to write down my thoughts at that point in the night, insisting to Museveni that peace takes a commitment to change and echoing Jody Williams' statement that, "Peace is not a vision of a rainbow with a dove flying over it. It's hard work."
The volunteers had set up stations for us to drop off the letters which they would then take care of mailing to the senators and Ugandan president.

Despite the fact that the night ended with First Lady Laura Bush appearing on the huge screen stating that "The Lord thanks you for helping the Ugandans (which she pronounced with a flesh-crawlingly Texan accent as "you-g-AN-dans")," the event was well-put-together with video clips of actual displaced Ugandans and various talking points.

I made a video, because that's how I roll. My video editing software hates me (either that or it's my computer) and won't let me produce anything into .AVI format. So, as for the questions about the quality, when I produce it I am having to produce it in .WMV format and it skews everything. Nevertheless, I tried.

Video Editing Sunday is taking quite longer than expected. My computer hasn't seemed to want to cooperate today. Perhaps it's protesting the massive amounts of entertainment I am trying to create.

I forgot rule number one:

Nothing surer than disappointment.

There's a good reason we don't live in cardboard boxes if we can avoid it.

Now, I'm off to try to recover from dehydration, starvation and having slept in a tunnel of cardboard all night.

Yet another night of fabulousness at the Ivory Cat has been logged in the books. A thorough recap will be forthcoming but I am on a tight schedule today because at 3 PM I am displacing myself. Tomorrow is Video Editing Sunday, where I will lie prone all day and and put together a video that will go down in history as the best video the Ivory Cat has ever seen. Stay tuned.

Until then, you will just have to relive the memories via photo montage. If you are stopping by here to retrieve your picture, please comment and say hello! All pictures will get bigger if you click on them.

Thanks for coming out last night, guys!
Most of all, many thanks to Kenny Luna, David and -- always -- JTD for yet another stellar performance. I'd add Russell in here but he discredited himself by singing "Crazy." And I don't mean Patsy Cline (which would have been way better). So 2006.


My mom can rock polka dots and the Ivory Cat. Funny note of the night: My mom stood up and went to the bar (we Farrises know how to drink). David the pianist is reading the requests off and says "David Gray, Babylon...?" He didn't know it, so I started to sing it..."Friday night I'm running wild and all the lights are changing red to green!" I expected whatever middle-aged woman who requested the song to start cheering for me, but no one seemed to care. David still protested he didn't know it. My mom walks back over, and says "Play Babylon!" and I realize that it was my mom who had requested it and apparently we were the only two people in the entire crowd of ten that knew the song.
David, for your edification, here it is:
While you're at it, learn this other song. Probably a better piano song:

Cash$, that goes for you too. I'm still waiting for my serenade.



This guy probably would have won the free drink if he hadn't been competing with a disabled combat vet.

"You're in the Army? What army? The US has an army? Is there a war going on? Iraq? Huh?"
Tall Rachel, we missed you! "Foot stop believing!"

It is getting crazy! I gotta share.

6:34 - Edwards is talking about abortion. With those genes? Sacrilege. He believes in a woman's right to choose. But it's a difficult issue.
Obama is asked what he thinks about partial birth abortions. He reiterates "this is a profoundly difficult decision." Obama's been a little off tonight. Or maybe I just don't like him very much. He needs to work on his tone. I've been saying it from the start. I've already tuned him out. Can I talk for a second about this crazy old guy named Gravel a little earlier? You've never heard of him, but he's had some excellent one-liners. "I used to wonder, what the hell am I doing here; now I wonder, what the hell are some of these guys doing here?" Dayum, sir! He called out Hilary, Biden and Obama on the fact that they would keep nukes on the table in Iran. I could drink with this guy.
Oh...Biden's talking. Gotta see if he slips up.
6:37 - Biden had nothing interesting to say on Roe v. Wade.
Kucinich states that any of his appointments to the high court would reflect his thinking. Intends to be a president who is a "healer." Kucinich reminds me of my crazy old social studies teacher - sounds smart, sounds very loving and understanding, but something is just off there. "Open up hearts." Surely you don't mean babies' hearts?
Dodd (CT) has this great arching dark eyebrow over his right eye, hair coiffed and snowy white, and a gravely voice that makes him sound like Professor Coldheart.
Oohh everybody says a name time!!!
Your model supreme court justice
Richardson: Wizzer White. Err...Whizzer, that is. Actually the guy's name is Byron but he got the nickname "Whizzer" in college. We need not wonder why or how.
"How about someone who is among the living?" Brian Williams - LOVED YOU IN DATELINE!
Took too long to let everyone answer the question. Apparently all the good judges are dead.
That was disappointing.
6:41 - Now we're on Virginia Tech - did the government play any role in allowing it to happen? Sorry but I find this irrelevant. Well I guess not irrelevant, but a slanted question really meaning "What do you think about gun control?"
Come on, Brian, we're democrats. You know the answer.
Gov. Richardson is the NRA's favorite candidate - good to know. "The second amendment is precious in the west."
Gun control. Thank God I don't go to school anymore. I can tune this part out. Maybe if people just stopped going to school, we'd all be happier.
SHOW OF HANDS QUESTION! It's like I'm back in school again! DUCK! (It's never too early for a Virginia Tech joke.)
Who's had a gun in the house?
Gravel, Biden, Richardson...um...a lot of them. Can we narrow it down to who hasn't? Looked like Obama and Edwards?
Biden says he had a shotgun not a pistol.
"They both have bullets, sir." (That was Mean Rachel, not Brian Williams)
6:45- Healthcare time.
Edwards would raise taxes to pay for health care. Get rid of the tax cuts for the rich (uh oh, the barn moms aren't happy).
Edwards vaguely points out that he has a "very specific" health care plan (overt jab at Obama). He then takes a minute and a half of rhetoric to begin to line out the specifics of his very specific health care plan.
Obama comes back swinging. "Here's what I would do. Number one..." Apparently he just came up with a very specific plan of his own. It's got bullet points and everything. I can tell by his tone. Uppercut!
It's turning into a game of Street Fighter 3 in here.
Clinton enters the cage - puts Edwards' very specific plan in a triangle choke.
Health care is a harsh mistress.
This might be a good time to go get Beer #2.
6:51 - Pop a top on the Hornsby. We're getting into the NAACP and the Confederate flag. Glad I came prepared with alcohol.
Hilary and Obama keep stroking each other's egos. I feel like they are banding together to get on the ticket together. Or maybe they're just keeping their enemies close. It's like an episode of Project Runway in here, minus the gays.
"Tell us about the mistakes you've made."
CRAZY GRAVY! Says he was starting to feel like a potted plant. Ever since his rant about nukes, they hadn't asked any questions about him.
Obama - makes a weak joke about how his wife would probably have a longer list of his mistakes. No one laughs.
Clinton doesn't have enough time to discuss her mistakes. "I did not have sexual relations..." Oh - wait - sorry, wrong Clinton. Misspoke.
Edwards says he was wrong to vote for the war and he will have to live with that forever.
Dodd goes with war vote as huge mistake.
Richardson starts to talk about his impatience and aggression. Sounds like W to me. I'm over him. Sir, you need more customer service skills. Seriously. Edwards is the only guy who could smooth over an angry woman in an Lexus.
6:56 - Immigration time. REMEMBER THE ALAMO!
WOAH. That was over faster than you can say "Fiesta Texas."
Now we're on "advanced degrees in science and engineering."
Biden wants to change the fundamental way we teach our children. Says we need better teachers. The teachers aren't going to like that, are they?
Please see Virginia Tech, above, for Mean Rachel's take.
6:58 - This question comes from "Augie" - also known as "Idiot."
"Why do gas prices continue to rise?"
Augie - go watch Inconvenient Truth and Wikipedia "The Middle East." Then come back and put your question in for the nationwide broadcast of the presidential debates.
Edwards putts one in regarding climate change and the unstable conditions in the Middle East.
7:00 - "What is the first thing you want accomplished on the first day of your presidency?"
Richardson says he would get us out of Iraq. Then he would go dove hunting. Just kidding. But not really.
Brian takes a hit at the 8 candidates - "Time's up. There's no such thing as a one-sentence answer with this crowd."
7:01 - The networks stopped airing this. I get it now - that's why it was on only thirty minutes after most people get off work ("Most people" being Mean Rachel, of course)! Because it's not prime time on the networks.
Thank god for cable. I have thirty minutes left of this. I better drink fast.
Apparently the remaining half hour is Iraq Ideology Hour.
Barack is referring to Iran and Syria as our "competitors."
Now we're on Israel. "Nobody has suffered more than the Palestinian people from the failure of the Palestinian leadership."
Biden - considers Syria the most important enemy (other than Iraq, as the question required -- which really isn't our enemy, it's just unfortunate we have our soldiers sitting in the way of their civil war but I'll let Crazy Gravy say it for me), then comes Iran, and potentially Putin. And his "tendency to move toward totalitarianism." The Russian? Great. Go ahead and restart the Cold War - at least we don't have to deploy anyone.
Crazy Gravy tones it down a bit. Says we don't have any enemies and makes a reference to the government scaring us into worrying about the Middle East. I'm with you, sir. Would you like a beer?
7:06 - Edwards starts talking about making people happier in order to get them to stop fighting. He might have won me over with that answer. People fight because they are unhappy (see Virginia Tech, above). Electricity, running water, stable economy -- if Iraq had all of that by now, we would be long gone. Oh, but then we couldn't have put billions of dollars into defense contracts. Sorry Cheny!! Forgot about that for a second!
Richardson says "America doesn't care about Darfur...genocide?" Um...Didn't you watch American Idol Gives Back last night? Richardson sucks. Mr. Debbie Downer.
7:08 - Hilary starts talking about the "disconnect between the rhetoric and the reality." Can someone puh-lease tell me something we don't already know? Seriously. If this is all you have to do to run for president - wear a pantsuit and restate the same things over and over again while raising a metric assload of money on your website - then I could totally do it.
7:10 - Dodd is talking about terrorism. I want to know who does his hair and shapes his eyebrows. I also like his tie. Oh - terrorism, right, I've heard of that.
How appropriate! "Do you think there is such a thing as a 'global war on terror?'" Everyone raises their hand but Kucinich. I'm with ya, Kooky Kuce. Now 'global war on oil?' Yes, yes, there you go, now everyone's raising their hands. Even Kooky Kuce. (I made that up. But come on. When the soldiers themselves that are fighting see a sign for gas at $2.50 and say "We're winning the global war on oil!" you know there's something wrong.)
7:13 - Obama's talking about national disasters. I'm not sure you could get any more opposite from W than Obama. I understand about 30% of what Obama says. Bombast? What? People still use that word? I'm pretty sure the rest of the American idiots understand about 5%.
Okay - it's validated - people stopped using the word bombast on June 18, 2003 - when it was last featured on Dictionary.com as the word of the day.
Hilary...damn. "Being a Senator on 9/11, I understand the horror of the attack..." Repeat some more things you've already said eight times.
7:16 - Fourteen minutes left!
Fabulous! Williams asks if anyone is willing to support Kucinich on his stand of impeaching Veep Cheney. No one raises their hand. Kucinich pulls out a pocket constitution that he carries with him everywhere (or just to national broadcasts, at the very least). Where can I get one of those? It looks like a little black book. Only it's brown. Anyway, Kucinich is still holding up the constitution. Rather symbolic! That took two minutes.
7:18 - Civil unions. Dodd's state of Connecticut, where it has been legalized.
Dodd makes a good argument - "Ask yourself what you would do if it was your own child?" I am distracted by his logical reasoning long enough not to stare at his right eyebrow.
Oh wait, back on the eyebrow - he qualifies his statement by saying "I don't support same-sex marriages." Apparently there's a difference. For chrissake.
Biden's talking again. About something. Manhattan project? Oh we're talking about Flex Fuel and gas and stuff. I hope Augie the Idiot is listening. Probably not. He's probably watching My Name is Earl or something. Biden, you look wealthy, will you buy me a Hybrid?
7:20 - Brian Williams states "Fidel Castro is still alive."
He is? Didn't that dude die? Damnit.

Note to self: Cancel trip to Cuba.

We are spending an awful lot of time on dreaming of a post-Castro Cuba. I just want to go on my vacay, yo! The Russians tell me it's lovely this time of year.
7:22 - Nuclear energy use. Crazy Gravy gets the floor. He starts talking about what he's done for energy. "We are mis-characterizing terrorism. It has been there from the beginning and it will be there until the end." This guy is crazy. But I applaud his audacity.
Fuck it, I'm moving to Alaska.
Williams jabs at Obama for planting trees. "I'm talking about lightbulbs," says Williams. "I thought the tree thing was pretty good," says Obama.
This is almost funnier than the Scrubs I'm missing.
Kooky Kuce is wanting people to reflect on the fact that Obama doesn't take nukes off the table for Iran.
Time. Time. Time. Kooky Kuce. Time. Time.
Obama interjects. "It would be a profound mistake for us to initiate a nuclear war. But Iran having nuclear weapons is a direct threat to us. LET ME FINISH! (to Kooky Kuce)"
I feel like I'm reading Goofus & Gallant.
Who gave the mike to Crazy Gravy? "Who is the greatest violator of the Non Proliferation Treaty? The United States of America." True! Very, very true! He's crazy but true!
Edwards is asked who his moral leader is. Thinks for a long time. I think he was completely thrown off guard by the circus going on around him. Now is droning on about "I'm not sure...my Lord, my wife, my father..." And world peace. Come on. This isn't Miss USA.
Hilary gets "Is WalMart a good thing or a bad thing for the USA?"
Seriously folks. People are dying and we're talking about WalMart.
Seriously. If I were Hilary this is what I would have said (rather than her "It's a good thing and a bad thing" speech):

Thank you, thank you.

7:30 - Biden's talking. About Darfur. Thanks for bringing us down to Earth.
Someone calls time and it's over. I feel like it's October 2008 and we've just got a wonderful slew of independents running. Ah, if only...

Brian Williams turns to the audience, says "Now you can clap for these scumbags," and turns to face the camera.

"If you didn't hear your question asked," Williams says with a weary smile, "we're in for a long campaign - it will be."

Now for the post-show spin. But who needs that when you've got MeanRachel.com?

Starting at 6 PM CST / 7 PM EST, I'll be blogging the Democratic Presidential Debates LIVE.

Keep it tuned here for Mean Commentary!!

Goldie sent this to me tonight - I have no idea why or how she got a hold of it.

This was the first fish I ever caught when we were at the beach, that I demanded my mom let me keep. On the last day of our trip, I went out to say hi to my fish and he was gone. My mom told me that the seagulls must have carried him away, and I believed her. Years later she told me she had thrown him away because he smelled.

If you look closely, you can see my misshapen left thumb that up until I was about 12 was flat from having sucked it until I was 5.

So I'm getting pretty excited about this Saturday's Displace Me event, and I want you all to be excited as well.

I talked about this a while back, but it's worth going over again I suppose. Basically, it is a nationwide protest to draw awareness to the displacement camps where over 1 million Ugandans are forced to live. An excerpt off of the Internal Displacement Monitoring Centre:

An estimated 1.7 million people remain internally displaced in northern Uganda as a result of the conflict between the government and the Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA). The conflict in the north has been exacerbated by incursions of Karamojong warriors and an ongoing government disarmament process which has resulted in new displacement in northeast Uganda. Despite improved security, illustrated by increased access to land and freedom of movement, the majority of IDPs in Uganda live in appalling conditions with limited access to basic services. In 2005, a Ministry of Health Survey revealed alarmingly high mortality rates in IDP camps.

On Saturday, starting at 3:00 PM and ending 24 hours later, thirteen cities across the nation will be host cities for the event, where Americans will leave their homes and more or less "displace themselves" for the night.
The one in Austin is being held at the Travis County Exposition Center, which incidentally is where we also used to go for horse shows. It is going to be really weird to spend the night there, considering it's pretty much in the ghetto.
They are being really cryptic about what exactly is going to happen while we're there. Here is what the website tells you to bring:

Everyone who comes to Displace Me will be asked to bring the following:

1. Enough cardboard to build something the size of a small tent. (Please do not bring actual tents.)

2. A sleeping bag.

3. A 1.5-liter bottle of water with airtight seal to be collected upon entry.

4. A box of saltine crackers--yes, they need to be saltines--with sealed packaging to be collected upon entry.

5. A current photo of yourself wearing a white t-shirt with a red X.

So luckily I borrowed Chrisy's sleeping bag, and I got the water and saltines. I don't have any cardboard but I'm hoping to scrounge some up at work or something tomorrow.
Regarding the current photo...I find it a little imposing. I mean, okay, I've got to ruin my shirt, take a picture and actually get it developed? So I got creative. I'm going to print this photo out and take it instead:


Nothing an MS Paint can't fix, I always say.

That Joe the Drummer -- once again -- has amazed us all!

According to his MySpace, the Rachel/AJ Birthday Performance is scheduled for this Friday night. And you know it's not official until it's on the MySpace.

Which brings me to this decision:

I have decided to open up ATBF (April Tools & Birthday Fools; not to be confused with AFTB, which is Army Family Team Building) to the general public, as this was originally a gathering of depressed women but now we have a major event planned and it would be selfish of us to keep it to ourselves.

So - come one, come all, from BOS to AUS and everywhere in between to...

What: The Rachel/AJ Birthday Performance (Gotta admit, it has a nice ring to it...)
When: 9 PM, this Friday night
Where: The Ivory Cat on E. 6th Street
Why: Because you only have so many chances to see Joe the Drummer play before we vault him into fame using only the Internets as our marketing source.

I might even forgive Kenny Luna for not hiring me. Might. The ability to fill out a job application while drunk and holding up your friend is not something most employers would pass up.

---

Also, there are some serious events going on in Texas politics right now regarding Republicans disenfranchising voters (namely minority voters), but I feel as though getting worked up about it and adding "Rick Perry sucks" to my labels is not suitable for my psyche at this moment in time. If you want to read up on it (and what Democrats are doing to fight the bill), check this out.

Meanwhile, I am thoroughly enjoying Tony Snow being out of commission, even if it does hurt me on the Google searches.

This is Harry. He's moving to Tokyo. But first he has to quarantine for six months. He arrived while I was out on vacation.


He currently is serving as a welcome distraction in the office (i.e. he sits in my lap all day) and we are bonding over our six months of loneliness.

Harry likes long walks in the park and taking time to stop and smell the roses (or bluebonnets).

Please note: We have been trying to contact JTD via MySpace, to no avail. Drastic measures must be taken. JTD, if you're reading this, please know that only very important issues are addressed in Open Letters on MeanRachel. Thank you for your support.
Those of you who have personal interests in this Friday night, please, please do not give up hope. And those of you living in Boston, claiming to be straight but then professing to JTD that you will bear his children, please enjoy the following.

---

JTD-

There is some concern (okay, downright panic) that you will not be present to perform a birthday rendition of Wipeout this Friday night at the Ivory Cat.

Please put these rumors to rest, once and for all, on your Myspace for your fans to see. It's not quite "Britney Spears shaved her head!" but the utter disbelief is similar.

The war in Iraq depends on you.

Signed,
Mean Rachel
Officer in Chief, "Joe the Drummer Seduced Me With His Percussion" Facebook Group
9 Members and Growing
...no really, I'm not kidding.
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2259924145

First, a quick recap of the stats from the past two weeks:

Number of Days We Woke Up Before 10 AM:
1 - And only because the heater at a certain Dunndee's house had a gas leak and IS2 and I were convinced we were going to be blown up. Well, I was convinced. I woke up at 7 AM and said "Do you smell propane?" at which point IS2 briefly sniffed the air and said "I think it's just a food byproduct," and pulled the covers over his head. Two hours later, the gas company ordered us to evacuate the house.

Number of Times We Went Running:
1 - And we actually ran about three miles. But I'm not sure this made up for the other 14 days of sloth-dom.

Number of Times I Lifted Anything Other Than A Beer Bottle or A Port Aransas (i.e. anything weighing more than 8 ounces):
0

So I am sure you will forgive me when I make this statement regarding starting boot camp back up this morning at 0530:

Worst. Morning. Ever.

Thanks to the miracle of modern science, I was able to trick myself into thinking I was sleepy last night by taking two Tylenol PMs at about 9 PM. By 10:30 I was ready to drift off to sleep. However, I woke up just about every hour, staring at the clock, convinced I was missing something and that I was really supposed to be waking up at 2 AM.

Alas, I was in a deep sleep at 5:09 when my alarm went off. What follows is a real-life account of what occurred this morning between the hour of 5:30 and 6:30 AM.

Evidently, the theme of the new group of people is this:
Overachievers & Hollywooders

Being that it was my first day back, I was subjected to an Indian Run. The new MO of boot camp is that we are all segregated into groups of how fast we run. Since they don't have the "Pencil Group" (where we all just stand around), I usually fare okay in the middle group. So I decided to go in group 2, with the Singing Banana (that's right, you are getting your own alias on my blog - it should be a proud day for you!), because that's how I roll.

We took off at a brisk speed in hot pursuit of Group 1. As we begin jogging--make that sprinting--Singing Banana confides in me that she got her mile down to below nine and a half minutes. I knew then that this was a problem, as this seemingly innocent group 2 is actually quite fast after all. Where are my ten-minute-milers?

So we are hauling ass. This one girl, the girl whose job it is to sprint past me, take the baton- or in her case, grab my hand as if fondling a small mango for tender juiciness, and then smack the baton onto the ground and cause a huge traffic jam/domino affect to take place - CONTINUES to sprint past me. SPRINTING.

PINEAPPLE! (This was Gingy and I's safety word during our runs. Which is now null and void because Gingy has forsaken me. Something about running into her fiance at the mall with IS2 or something.)

Seriously. Singing Banana tries to slow things down by yelling "Watch your pace up front!" because even the girls who had to run past the Sprinter kept running fast (rather than slowing down to my preferred rate of speed, also known as "a crawl"). However, there was no stopping whatever death march we'd started on.

I threatened to drop out right around what I refer to as Cat Pee Alley (Why? Because it smells like cat pee), but Singing Banana told me I wasn't allowed to. And frankly, I haven't dropped out of an Indian run yet and I sure as hell wasn't about to drop out on this seemingly snail of a Group 2.

Singing Banana then yells to the Sprinter up front "Hey you! Second Position! State your name!" She doesn't say anything and I said "That's the next thing that goes after your breathing - your hearing." Evidently I was correct because no one still had their hearing to be able to hear my terrific and hilarious joke, perhaps the last joke I'd ever tell, as I felt I would soon have a heart attack and die.

Finally we get to the end of the run, all the way to the beloved parking lot. I have never felt so sick in my life. I'm glad I don't eat anything before I go to death camp because I would have puked my eyeballs out. I thought that I might even stop breathing. I started to diagnose myself with asthma. Athletic-induced asthma.

The rest of boot camp is just a haze. No, really, it was super foggy. Which is also another word for "doing boot camp in a cloud so that everything becomes dripping wet including my towel." Misery continued in the form of some new thing the trainer calls the Singing Banana, which I will spare you the details of. My informants have also warned me of a new exercise implemented in my absence, known as "POW Leg Torture." Which I tastelessly might refer to as the "John McCain Leg Exercise for Putting One's Foot In One's Mouth."

For the record, there was no alcohol consumed prior to posting this entry, although it is soon to follow. Blame all incoherency on my continued runner's high.

My mom and I saw The Lives of Others this afternoon, or Das Leben der Anderen, a foreign film surrounding East Germany's surveillance system in the early 1980's.
A staunch State Security (Stasi) agent named Wiesler is given the assignment to monitor the lives a well-known playwright named Dreyman and his girlfriend Christa-Marie. Wiesler soon finds himself watching his own personal drama unfold in the theater of Dreyman's apartment and neighborhood. There are overt references to repressed cultures and the affect that a censored artist has not just on society but on himself. A caper-like web is woven of peoples' lives and the reasons they sometimes must lie in order to protect the pursuits and people they love.
The movie won the Oscar this year for Best Foreign Language Film, and understandably so. There are poignant, somewhat humorous human moments scattered throughout an otherwise grayscale, buttoned down GDR-controlled world. Some parts near the end seemed a little too convenient, as the movie makes certain to tie up all of the loose ends -- which as moviegoers, we sometimes do not expect a film to do.
If you haven't seen The Lives of Others, it's worth a look if the subject interests you. Those without some sort of curiosity of post-Nazi Germany may find the painstaking way in which the movie begins -- setting up characters and story lines in a thorough manner -- tedious.

---

Back to work tomorrow. It's been real.

Last night, in order to release some pent-up-frustration regarding the war (Build outposts in Baghdad? Train the Iraqis? Build a wall? Shoot into the dark?), my mom and I started watching some of Dubya's great speech malapropisms. Yes, there are that many.

Anyway, we had been talking about Barack Obama and his professorial speech that he gave when he came through Austin, and how I had felt underwhelmed by him. I mentioned that lately I'd had my eye on Chuck Hagel, ever since the end of March when he gave a stirring speech on the Senate floor when they were voting on the war funding bill.

I found the following video, which has a great pre-Iraq-invasion speech where it shows Hagel was speaking out against the war even before the war lost its support. There are also some great snippets from Hagel's speech in March of this year, which I encourage you to watch.



Some points I particularly like from the speech:

• His tone. He has the hint of anger in his voice, which I appreciate. We should be angry.
• His insistence that Iraq belongs to the Iraqis.
• He points out that "if we are making 'real progress' in Iraq, then why are we sending more and more troops into Iraq?"
• His statement at the end of the video that you shouldn't be accused of "not supporting the troops" for wanting the troops out of the civil war.
• He calls out Blackwater.
  

Despite the video ending with "Save the GOP" and the fact that Hagel indeed has a (R) at the end of his name, right now I feel like if he does decide to run (he has still not made his official announcement), this might be who I end up supporting through the primaries.

If you want to learn more about this Vietnam vet, or watch the entire speech he gave regarding the war funding bill, check out Hagel08. There are oodles of articles and interviews on there for the discerning voter.

Inform yourselves.

So I'm entering an essay contest, which I think I have a pretty good crack at. I'll reserve the details of the contest for later.

However, I am interested to see if any of my readers would be willing to volunteer their time to read, edit & give feedback on my very rough draft (it's about 3000 words, so not too much reading required). The deadline is mid-July, so I've got some time. However, I'd like to get it turned in sometime early May.

I don't want to burden any of you (you know who you are) that I typically recruit to do my edits. Unless you want to, in which case, I will gladly accept your knowledge and assistance.

So, if you are interested, please let me know.
I will add you to the collaborators on Google Docs and you can make direct edits in there, or I'll just send you the text.

Here I am, at the conclusion of two weeks of relationship immersion. I took IS2 to the airport this morning at around 0630. We decided last night that we should just stay awake all night long, as we did when he left at 3 AM in October. The first few hours were fine -- we ate a late lunch and then ordered Chinese at around 9 PM. I was able to introduce Man vs. Wild to IS2, which I think he actually enjoyed (we'd been watching Suvivorman the night before but he's not nearly as charming as Bear).
At around 4 AM, the paid programming started to sink in. Fortunately, we started watching a new sketch comedy called Human Giant on MTV. This hilarious one came on with the guys trying to keep themselves awake, which IS2 and I thought was incredibly appropriate. It might only be funny to people trying to stay awake at 4 AM, I'm not sure.

All in all, I'm not as much of a mess as I was the first time IS2 left. I actually held it together pretty well at the airport, up until I turned away and some man said "Good luck, son." I suppose the last six months were good training. It sucks that they've tacked 3 months onto the deployment, but I'm trying not to think about that. At this point, I'll take what I can get from the government. Which isn't a whole lot, other than a big kick in the stomach every few days.

I've got things to look forward to. Next weekend, my birthday weekend, assured to be replete with chorus lines at Ivory Cat. Next Saturday is also the Displace Me event, which I'm hoping will be as phenomenal as I imagine it will be. Vegas again in May is guaranteed to be a great time.

So I'm okay. As the Lost Trailers said, "thanks for the care, 'cause it shows."

My article came out today in the HR Management (HRM) magazine.

Peep it here.

A concise, well-written, and sadly humorous defense for gun control appears here on the Huffington Post.

Frankly, I'm more inclined to push that anyone ever accused of and found guilty of stalking should immediately be penned up for eternity. Violent stalkers eventually will kill and in the meantime, before they do, they deprive their victim of a life.

I'm still alive, I promise! Attempting to keep up with the blogosphere as best I can via my phone. Let's see if I can do a quick recap:

IS2's parents were here last week. Aside from the Alamo, we had some good meals at various Austin fall backs (The Clay Pit, Louie's 106, ZTejas, etc.) and were given fantastic weather for their stay. I also ended up taking IS2's mom to the LBJ Presidential Library (where I had already dragged IS2 once before) and the UT Tower (now somewhat ironic in light of the recent VT shootings).

(despite my initial misgivings) and not delay a single one of our flights to AND from LAS. We had a great time. We stayed at the Luxor where we were upgraded to the Player's Club suite in the West Tower, after they overbooked all of the other rooms. The rest ofSaturday it was Vegas or bust. Fortunately, American Airlines managed to redeem itself the weekend will forever be referred to as the "gambling death march through Vegas." Put two gamblers together who both like to play black jack, and things get pretty ruthless. The first night, after arriving at around midnight, we headed to the Bellagio and played black jack (successfully!) until about 7 AM. Which is when the following picture was taken outside the Bellagio.


We ended up at a table with several Aussies hailing from Queensland, one of whom was an engineer-turned-snowboarder living in Whistler, BC. This did not become apparent until about 4 AM, after listening to Simmo's buddies call out "Do it for Whistler, baby!" on nearly every hand. Simmo would then immediately drop $25 or so on a poor hand while exclaiming "Whistler would have wanted it!"
The rest of the time, when we weren't gambling at the Bellagio, we went to MGM, Mirage, Caesar's and some other places. However, we definitely won the most at Bellagio and ended up coming home with more than we left Austin with in our pockets.


We arrived back in Austin last night, then headed up to Killeen today. We went to Darnall Hospital on post to see one of IS2's friends who is recovering there.

Perspective is always a good thing.

Oh and guys! Two exciting things in my campaign of "Why Am I Not Famous Yet?" happened this week. First, I found out today that the letter to the editor I wrote to Inc. magazine a while back about emoticons is being published in their June issue.

Secondly, a few days ago I found out that one of my essays I wrote and subsequently had published in an anthology a few years ago is now being reissued in a new anthology. This same essay will now be in three books.

Baby steps. Once my girls at the Killeen Daily Herald get my marketing materials together, I'll be set.

Sure you do.

You ought to, at least for the next six nine months. Yup. Extensions suck.

As of 11:15 AM today, I will not be obsessive-compulsively updating my blog. Irishsetter 1 and Irishsetter 2 will be doing various Stateside things like eating red meat and watching movies for the next fifteen days.

Please still continue to obsessive-compulsively check my blog. You never know when I might drop an update.

Best,

MR/IS1

Tonight I finished reading Three Day Road, by Joseph Boyden. I picked this book off the bargain rack at the grocery store, of all places. The image on the cover caught my eye, then the subject matter of WWI enticed me, and then I read the first page and was sold (for $5.95!).

The book surrounds two Cree 'Indian' cousins, Elijah and Xavier "X" Bird, who enlist in the war after growing up hunting and gathering in the bush. They are winners in a shooting contest, when they beat out the other Canadian men, and become snipers, hunting down Germans on the battlefields. Their training in the bush - their ability to slip quietly toward a moose or trap a lynx - has prepared them beyond even their own expectations for life on the front lines.

What they could not prepare for, however, was the difference between hunting for food and sustenance versus hunting humans for glory and medals, and to merely stay alive. While X descends into fear and denial, Elijah turns into a ruthless killing machine. Their time on the battlefield is described in gruesome detail that sometimes made me grimace or even put the book down. Elijah's slow decline into madness while X tried to justify his actions reminded me of the duality in Jane Eyre and Bertha. I suppose the difference could be that in this novel, the madman was allowed to roam free and even was heralded by his superior officers for his actions. Interesting that an insane man is more acceptable than an insane woman, but I digress.

The book is set up in a narrative flashback format, when Xavier's medicine-woman aunt Niska comes to pick X up in Moose Factory after he's returned from the war. At this point, they begin their three-day canoe ride back to the bush, hence the title "Three Day Road." Three day road is also the Cree's belief that each person goes on a three day journey when they are in the process of facing death. When Niska picks X up at the train station, he is addicted to morphine and barely alive. She begins to tell him stories of his childhood to give him strength, while he has flashbacks from various parts of his own childhood and then subsequent time in the war.

The war flashbacks are told from the point of view X, who can hardly understand English, and this makes the story read differently from other war novels. His interpretation of what is going on around him is unlike that of a typical hoo-rah American war novel, and his interactions with his comrades are almost nonexistent aside from Elijah. Being an outcast in his own brigade, most of his days are spent out in no man's land with Elijah, hunting the enemy. The other difference this book has from others of its genre is its Cree idioms scattered throughout, along with their various practices and spiritual connections to one another.

One of the best lines from the book, a few chapters from the end:

We all fight on two fronts, the one facing the enemy, the one facing what we do to the enemy.

Sadly, too true. Taken on a broader scale this sentence speaks for any nation entrenched in a war. Everyone has a desperate need to warrant our decisions to protect our country, while at the same time trying to come to grips with what that protection requires. A good example of this was the point/counterpoint going on over at Foonyor this week.

As this book conveys, in the end, we all make that three day road ourselves, on our own. The front we face when it comes time to defend our actions is sometimes a battle even more impossible than any quagmire in the trenches.

Six months.

Time becomes quite relative when you are forced to reckon with it. We all know a watched pot never boils, and yet we watch anyway. We stare at toasters waiting for the pop, and yet can't help but jump in nervous surprise when the toast suddenly comes up.

To say goodbye to someone is difficult under any circumstance, but there is something psychologically grueling about a deployment I've learned. It took me six months to realize that it's not the days in between that are difficult - it's the moments just before. You can laugh only to find your smile fading with the reality that soon, the laughter will be gone. You can say goodbye, but you don't know how long that goodbye will have to last. Six months? Twelve? Forever?

I'll be the first to agree that six months has passed incredibly fast. I feel like I stuck a pot in the microwave and my easy macaroni is now ready. I'd rather endure six more months than the final month before IS2 left.

The day after he left, I wrote a message on AJ's Myspace. I wasn't the first person to utter my disbelief and grief, as I saw message after message preceding mine with the same mantra: "I can't believe this...worst experience of my life...how are you doing?"

AJ wrote me back, telling me that "we need to be strong women!" I hardly knew her at the time, aside from a few brief chats before they left. A few weeks later, some of the girls came down and, hardly knowing one another, we spent an entire night sitting in a bar, drinking, and telling our various sob stories. There was no one else to complain to; no one else who could empathize.

I realize now how important it is to have people around you who understand. Not that other females don't understand or sympathize to the situation - but that having someone else around can give you a free pass to offload what may seem like complaints to others. I'm grateful for being able to convene with the 1CD girls.

We have been strong women. And while the six months have gone by, there is no getting around the fact that they have gone by. Six months of a child's life, six months of holidays, birthdays, drunken binges, pool parties, the Superbowl, divorces, moves, injuries, and life. Sacrifice never sounded so robust.

Sending someone you love off into the night, where you know they are walking toward only guns and weapons designed to kill and dismember, is the hardest part. You feel as though you are allowing something to happen that shouldn't be. But then there is the question of which is harder: The left or the leaving?

Laughter can come back now. I can allow myself to reminisce without a stabbing pain. And maybe it's only for two weeks.

But I won't be watching the water boil.

“He who cannot dance will say: 'The drum is bad.'
-African Proverb

I will not bore you with lengthy, lengthy details of last night but I will say the following:

We brought the house down.
And I finally won the free drink.