VH1's "The Pickup Artist" (also known as "The Creep Ball")

Has anyone seen this new show on VH1 called "The Pick Up Artist?" I don't know what's sadder:

1) That this show exists.
2) That the group of contestants are being "coached" by the three biggest weirdos in the world (a facial piercing and a British accent does not a Rico Suave make)
3) That I actually have watched this show.

I do have a good excuse. As someone who doesn't watch a bunch of TV, I occasionally will flip through the channels on Sunday afternoons. I caught this on Sunday and kept watching as I realized it was filmed here in Austin in some of the bars we frequent. I can't be as hardcore of a bar hopper as I pride myself, though, because I never saw any cameras. I guess they were using hidden cameras in the bars, but don't they make everyone sign waivers to be on TV?
I digress. It looks like they trolled around Sixth Street (there's a few recognizable shots of Pure) and a little bit on Fourth Street (in the ghostlike remains of Foundation). The group of guys -- compromised of the typical geek, 40 year old virgin, overweight low-self-esteemer, Ricky-Martin impersonatr and a "well, he could be cute" dude -- are being taught how to pick up chicks by three even more bizarre stereotypes.

The cornerstone coach of the show, a man who goes by "Mystery," (surely his name is taken from "it's a mystery as to whom would want to be 'picked up' by him"), is flesh-crawlingly creepy. He wears strange goggles 90% of the time and talks in spurts like Edward Norton's character in Primal Fear. If this guy tried to pick me up, I would be thoroughly convinced that the night would end with a hack saw and trash bags.

Some parts of the show are humorous -- especially the fumbling opening lines the guys try to use. One makes the mistake of, when told by a girl that she moved to Austin from New Orleans, asking how her family did during Katrina. "Two people died," she responded. Chalk that up there with "Things you don't want to yell out at someone in a bar." I also like the way Mystery tries to give vocabulary lessons on the art of picking up girls. According to this, two girls standing together is called a "Two Set." Wow. Really? That's good. "Not as good as your 'By Mennen' but still very good."

She studies! Such as this.

Click on map to enlarge.

In case you still haven't seen the video, you need to watch this first:



Found this over at Austinist:

I particularly like how at the Austinist they said:
"Public service is honorable and noble," said Gonzales. "I am profoundly grateful to President Bush for his friendship and the many opportunities he has given me to serve the American people." If serving the American people is doublespeak for taking a wicked shit on the Constitution, then, sure.

Betcha didn't know.

That someone at the Department of Justice has Google alerts set up for the words appearing together in blogs, because they decided to pay MeanRachel.com a visit.

Try it, it's fun.

Department of Justice...no hard feelings.

Decidedly Abandoning the Decider

First Rove, then Snowbird, now Gonzo? Wow. I'm enjoying this almost enough to start watching the news again. I said almost. This is as political is it's going to get for now.

I'm not sure that Gonzo's replacement (Michael Chertoff) is going to be much better. The man who allowed New Orleans to go underwater might not be able to save Bush's sinking ship. It should be interesting to watch though. The Department of Justice levees broke long ago, so there's not much more damage left for Chertoff to do.

I suppose it's tragic that it has become so entertaining to watch things fall apart, piece by piece.

Here's how it feels for me: Like a train wreck you saw coming, you uselessly waived your arms to tell the train to slow down and shouted at others staring blankly at you, "Can't you see the train coming you fools?!" until you finally just got tired, picked up a forty of Olde English, said "Fuck it," and sat down on the side of the tracks to watch the carnage.

Cheers, Dubya. This round's on me.

If the bugs come out, we're rollin.

Lots to recap from the Flugtag and such. Not enough time. I am off to Connor's birthday party.

Until then, enjoy the photos and use your imagination. Also, if someone could please let me know what happened to my BoSox hat, that'd be awesome.